Ramblings of a Bluenette Introvert
by Ko-chan to Ya-chan
Summary: Elk suspects a mass government conspiracy. Kite ponders his sexual preferences. Blackrose just sits back and laughs. SHONEN AI of the KiteElk variety


K: Random spoof I came up with while starting my English Essay. None of the books mentioned are mine. I plan to write some novels of my own in the future, thanks- I don't need to steal others' credited works.

Y: How is it that you always get distracted from whatever you're doing? You even get distracted from your distractions, for Ra's sake!

K: Mmm…. Sake… Wonder what it tastes like?

Y: -_- …………………………………………….

**Disclaimer:**

I don't own .hack//Tasogare. If I did, there would be yaoi EVERYWHERE, and Mia and Piros would get lost in a dungeon somewhere and that would be the last of them. No offense to Mia lovers, (………… Does Piros even HAVE a fanclub?) but I just don't like her (them) very much. ^^;

**Warnings:** OOC Elk. Semi-OOC Kite. Yaoi-fangirl Blackrose. Lots of rambling and randomness. I'll try to include a smidgen of shonen ai, if at all possible. (It's gonna be hard, considering the randomness of it all)

**Dedications:**

To the wonderful people who continue to read my fics and keep me on their faves lists even though I update practically once a millennia. Thanks guys!! *mass glompage*

**Ramblings of a Bluenette Introvert**

(Elk)

            Did you know that of all the age groups that commit suicide, teens rank the highest? So-called "experts" say that it's due to raging hormones and imbalances in the neurological pathways or something like that, but I think there's a hidden, more devious side to it…

            I mean, has anyone bothered to look at the kinds of literature they're forcing down our throats each year? Romeo and Juliet, Night, A Separate Peace, Red Badge of Courage, not to mention Julius Cesar and All Quiet on the Western Front… Sure, they're all classics, taught to generation after generation, but there's one thing that links them all together besides students' mutual loathing of them; they're all incredibly depressing. It's no wonder there are such high seppuku ratings if they're weighing our spirits down with these novels.

            And that's still disregarding the colossal strain put on us to reach society's standards of us. All we do is study. Even after regular school hours, we're forced to work even more at cram school, preparing for college entrance exams that are still nearly 3 to 4 years away for me. Due to the rigorous, incredibly challenging questions on said exams, we don't stand a chance otherwise.

            So it all adds up to depressing subjects, overworked youth, as well as any extracurricular stuff we need to do, or any chores we have at home. There's barely enough time to eat, sleep, and do our mountains of homework, much less maintain any real friendships. I'm not surprised so many choose the easy way out- slitting their wrists or jumping off buildings just for a chance to rest their weary bodies and souls.

            Of course, if what the Chuugoku-jin say is true, then they're stuck in an eternal loop- reliving their deaths forever until someone helps their troubled spirit. I guess we're stuck either way, then. Sucks for us. Maybe it's all some kind of twisted conspiracy the adults have cooked up- slowly shaping us into a super race, capable of working 18 hours a day so we eventually exceed every other country in every possible way. By putting us through this sort of training regime, they're actually weeding out those who aren't strong or smart enough to be part of the new society…Yeah, that sounds like something people knee-deep in politics would do. After all, who the hell is sane anymore, in this day and age?

            Is Kite sane anymore? I mean, not only does he have all that on his plate, but he has to deal with the chaos happening in The WORLD, too. I, for one, would never be able to balance all that and still keep a firm grasp on all my marbles. He hasn't done anything completely reckless and suicidal, though, so I guess that's a good sign…

* * *

(Kite)

            Elk's been acting really strange, lately… He's more jittery than usual, and whenever I'm hanging around a root town, I spot him hiding behind one thing or another, staring at me. I went up to him once and asked him about it directly, but he just blushed and gated out without a word…

            If I didn't know any better, I'd say he had a crush on me or something. Datte sa…. He likes Mia, right? Or is he bi…? 

Am I bi? Or maybe I'm just plain gay? I never really thought about it before… I mean, I've never really had feelings for anyone, so how am I supposed to tell?

            Chotto- why am I so calm about this, anyway? Shouldn't I be horrified of the possibility of being gay, or something? At least, that's how things seem to happen in Blackrose's crazy yaoi novels…. Maybe she's rubbed off on me… I mean, there's a high probability that I've gotten used to her obsession, so I don't freak out about it anymore… Hmm….did I ever freak out about it to begin with?

            Darn. All I managed to do was confuse myself. Why was I even thinking of such a thing to begin with? Elk obviously likes Mia…

            …but then why was he blushing?

            *sigh* 

My head hurts.

* * *

(Elk)

            I think the pressure's getting to him. I saw him muttering to himself last time I saw him… Or maybe they're turning him into a spy. He could've been talking through a com-link or something. He actually came up to me and questioned my motives for following him around.

            Maybe they're on to me. Maybe they're worried I'll ruin their plan, and they've brainwashed Kite to do their bidding! Or maybe THEY'RE the ones responsible for the deterioration of The WORLD. Perhaps THEY'RE the ones who put his friend into a coma, and now they're blackmailing him with that in order to get to me! 

Those FIENDS!!!

            Daijoubu, Kite- I'll find a way to save you somehow….

* * *

(Kite)

            I haven't seen Elk in a while, now. Not since the time he blushed. Is he avoiding me? Or is he just too busy with school? Kami knows _I_ am… ANOTHER friggin' essay to worry about…

            Could it be he's too nervous to talk to me? I mean, he IS rather shy…

            Hmmm… Why does this sound like some prissy little schoolgirl romance? Has my mind been permanently tainted with Blackrose's boy-on-boy fantasies? And why the hell doesn't the thought of that BOTHER ME?! Why am I wasting my time pondering about my sexual preferences when The WORLD is about to go up in smoke? Er… data…. Erm…

            -_- ……….blah.

            *sigh*

            I'm not really gay, am I? I mean, sure, apparently I'm fine with the idea, but do I actually have feelings of my own to reflect on to better understand my own predilection? Not that I know of.

            Maybe I should run a few "tests" and see how I react…

* * *

(Elk)

            Nearly everything is ready. I've got the plan all set to go. Now all I need is a way to lure Kite to the correct field so I can spring my trap…

            I'm sure a simple flash-mail requesting his assistance will do nicely. As soon as he gates in, I'll pin him and find and destroy any foreign technology that might be controlling him. With him free, I might be able to get some kind of information regarding his former superiors if his true self was still conscious during his zombie-like state.

            If not… Well, he'll still be free, and those government bastards will have lost their undercover agent. It's win-win for me any way you look at it.

            "Heh heh… Try and outwit me now, suckers!"

* * *

(Kite)

            Well, 3 hours of looking up random porn and still nothing. Maybe I just don't like people. Maybe I'm really bi, so whatever gender the person is doesn't particularly matter…

            *shrug*

            Either way, I still haven't gotten any closer to my goal. Maybe I'll go kill a few data bugs to let off some of my frustration…

            Hmm… A letter from Elk? He wants me to help him? Better get Blackrose to back us up, just in case…

            Ooooh… Shiny portal thingy. Wait- did that have some kind of sexual undertone to it? I mean, they say guys think about sex every 5 seconds… It doesn't seem that way to me, so maybe wondering if you're homo or hetero falls under that category too? But I never thought about it that often before that, either… Who were they testing, anyway…? Jeez… -_-;

            ANYWAY, she's here now, and if I stare off into space any longer, I'm sure she'll hit me over the head with that Spirit Rage I gave her last week…

            "Well, here we go! Lambda: Stalking Bemused Feeling!"

* * *

(Blackrose)

            We're attacked before the sparkles surrounding us disappear. Well, _I_ wasn't, but Kite certainly was. Not by any beasties, either.

            "Uwaaa!" 

Kite sounds pretty surprised. I don't really blame him. After all, it's not everyday that the shyest juumontsukai in the history of The WORLD decides to pounce on you and knocks you to the ground. Apparently for Kite, it's not often he gets his first *cough cough* primal urge, either…

            As a matter of fact, his face just turned beet-red, and as Elk continues to mumble under his breath, searching for something in the folds of Kite's outfit, it's obvious he's gotten a whole lot more than he bargained for. Finally, it's gotten to the point where Elk notices.

            He freezes, mid-search, and stares down at Kite. All the poor boy can do is sweatdrop.

            "Well, at least I know exactly what kind of person I'm attracted to…"

            I can't help but fan the flames. The looks on their faces just makes it all the better.

            "You mean femme-boys?" Kami, I wish I had my camera…

            Kite shrugs as best he can. "I guess."

            Elk, meanwhile, decides to snap out of his reverie. "This is all a trick, isn't it?! A way to distract me from finding the mind-control device!"

            He's greeted with 2 blank stares, courtesy of a certain twin blade and yours truly. 

            "The what now?" Funny, that's exactly what I was going to say.

            Elk looks like he's about to go homicidal or something. "The MIND-CONTROL DEVICE!! The thing the koumuin have been using to have you secretly spy on me because I know about their plans!!"

            We both blinked. "What plans?"

            "Their plans for creating a super race so they can surpass all other countries achieved by giving us massive piles of shukudai and never letting us sleep!! They're slowly changing us so that we'll grow accustomed to those working conditions and thus become superior in research and production and so forth!"

            Wow. Poor kid's gone off his rocker. Guess that little stunt I pulled on the both of them really struck home. I never imagined it would turn out THIS well… Heh. I'm glad things worked out so well. They don't suspect a thing…

            Muah ha ha ha ha… Let the yaoi takeover begin….

* * *

(Kite)

            Great. Just great. I just HAD to be attracted to a raving lunatic…

            *sigh*

            …That's just one more thing I have to deal with. I'm behind on homework as it is… I still haven't written the essay due Monday. -_-;

* * *

K: Ta da! Told you it was random…. That's what I get for writing under the influence of sugar and lack of sleep… ^^;

Y: Good Ra, that sounded a lot like "Hogwart's Support Groups"-level ficness. -_-; Excuse me while I go cleanse my mind with a stolen Neurolizer…. *stalks off*

Agent J: *wanders in* Yo girl- you see a Gothic-lookin' chick with a silver ball-point pen the size of a hot dog?

K: *points in direction opposite of where Ya went* That way.

Agent J: Thanks. *walks toward wherever Ko pointed*

K: ……………..sucker.


End file.
